Classroom suggestion: Choose half as many puns as number of students in your class. Cut each pun in half. Distribute the halves randomly among your students. Students visit to compare their punny parts until they discover a perfect match. Make it a Punny Mixer!

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade falling onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum Blown apart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under

15. He sang the song wrong because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison is a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

30. Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery.

31. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative

32. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

33. If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

34. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

35. Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

36. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

37. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

38. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

39. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

40. Without geometry, life is pointless.

41. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

42, Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

43. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

44. Alarms: What an octopus is.

45. Dockyard: A physician's garden.

46. Pasteurize: Too far to see.

46. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

47. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

48. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

49. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He ate too much pi.

50. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

51.To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

52. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

53. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

54. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

55. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

56. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

57. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

58. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

59. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

60. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

61. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

62 . She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

63. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

64. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

65. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

66. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

67. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

68. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

69. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

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